number 48: in which I check my inhibitions at the door (er, beach)

I did it. Number 48 on my list. I bared my pale, soft belly for everyone to see on a New Jersey beach.

Do I feel totally rid of every insecurity and inhibition I’ve ever had about my body? Of course not. Did I still catch myself covering/hiding my belly a few times? Sure. But did it feel pretty good to say “screw it” and put on my cute green bikini that I haven’t worn since our honeymoon (where we didn’t know anyone, and I was 8 pounds lighter)?

Yes.

I’ll be 30 in just over a month. I haven’t had a flat tummy… ever. I have always carried those few extra pounds right around my middle. Even on our honeymoon, at my thinnest, I was still self-conscious about my belly. I haven’t really lost weight recently, though I feel noticeably healthier since I’ve been working out more often. (Prime example: it was too hot to run outside while we were away, so I did a little Shred-ding with Jillian one morning — and it felt totally easy!).

On vacation last week with my family, I looked around on the beach one day and thought, I am nowhere near being the most fit person on this beach, but I am also far from being the least fit person on this beach. Women and men of all shapes and sizes were comfortable enough in their skin to wear whatever bathing suit their little hearts desired, and I didn’t judge them for it. So why have I been judging myself so harshly?

I originally added number 48 to my list as a motivator to lose weight, like this fabulous lady did. And I still do hope to lose a few pounds, and be a little less shy to wear a two-piece someday, without feeling the need to suck in a little… but if I wait for perfection to don a bikini, I’ll be waiting forever.

So, I did it. And it felt kind of good, imperfections and all.

comments

  1. You are an inspiration…I need to do that badly and get over myself & my insecurities! Thanks so much for sharing Brooke.

  2. Yay Brooke! I hope someday I'm able to do the same thing. So thrilled for you :)

  3. Yes! I love it when people can finally learn to be happy (not thrilled, not in love, but content enough to not care about what others think) with themselves just the way they are! It always makes me so sad when people much, much thinner than me refuse to go to the beach because they won't be seen in a bathing suit, or refuse to wear dresses without sleeves because they think they have huge arms. I'm not saying everyone should run around naked — goodness knows I wouldn't wear a bikini myself — but I have no problems whatsoever hanging out on the beach and having a great time in my much more covering tankini. And if someone thinks it's inappropriate for me to be in a swimsuit on the beach… well that's their problem, not mine!

  4. Yay! That's so awesome…next step is to post a pic on your blog. You can do it…I'll even let you put a pic of my post-baby belly on your blog as a comparison so you look even better :)

  5. Good for you! I feel you on all accounts. I go to the beach, look around and think "I'm worried about how I look!?" I wonder what is wrong with me that I am concerned with 5 pounds when there are people packing 50+ and letting it all hang out!

  6. I am so uncomfortable about wearing a bathing suit in Mexico next month! Yeah, I know I'm teeny, but I've always had body image issues. I have stickly legs and arms, no boobs whatsoever, and a "loose" tummy (that used to at least be flat). I've only worn a bathing suit twice in the last ten years. Honestly. So I really have to get over this by August 22nd!

  7. Awesome.Inspring to read. I found myself mentally (lightly) berating myself for being a bit pudgy while at the grocery store last week, and finally just said (to myself) “Nope, this berating has got to stop.” So I did. Simple enough. :)

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