dear excessive lane-changer:

It looks like you’re in a hurry; I completely understand wanting to get somewhere faster. But, you see, we’re all going about 15 miles per hour on this highway — you may have noticed that it’s a construction zone. When we started slowing down, yours was the car in front of ours. Every time a gap opens up in one of the other two lanes on this roadway, you skidaddle your little Volkswagen butt over there as quickly as possible… only to end up back in front of us again about 30 seconds later. Nary a turn signal to be used, either.

Maybe your car didn’t come with the turn signal option.

It’s possible that it makes you feel better to be constantly moving, even though “forward” is not really the direction you’re moving in. Personally, (possibly) getting to my destination 5-10 seconds sooner is not really worth playing the lane-changing game, but I digress. I hope you eventually arrive at your destination safely… but please note that we just passed you, and we never left the comfort of the right lane.


“dear…” is a new feature on Claremont Road where I compose imaginary letters to persons I’ve encountered in my day-to-day, particularly those mysteriously behaved individuals.


  1. Hahaha. LOVE this new feature. I was just thinking of taking this picture of this driver who was talking on his cell phone (illegal in CA) and had a bumper sticker that said “Start paying attention to Motorcyclists.”

    Looks like you’re doing a great job of paying attention, buddy. Of course, couldn’t take a pic because it’d be hypocritical of me snapping a cell phone pic while driving!

  2. Is it bad that I have these running through my mind quite often during the day? Maybe it’s a by-product of the Philly area… who knows!

    Also, the not using a turn signal thing is a huge pet peeve of mine… HUGE!

  3. Substitute a Volvo and you’re talking to my husband. I’m so humiliated every time I have to ride with him acting so assy.

  4. Ha! I think I’m going to like this feature. Can you write one to my last patient who just recommended that I get orthotic shoes instead of my adorable flats- because he thinks he can see some “juvenile bunions” forming? The good thing for me is that I had just checked his eyes and I’m pretty sure he can just barely make out his own hand in front of his face. Go sell your crazy somewhere else!

  5. In an unrelated way, sorta, it just reminds me of my mother ‘talking’ to police officers while driving. See, as a kid she’d drive us the 20 minutes to school, so she’d often narrate parts like, oh, say – where some crazy person would be riding their bike in the left lane. Without a helmet. She’ say in a dodo voice, “I’m so sorry Mr. Police Officer Sir – I didn’t *mean* to hit them but they asked me to! I mean, THEY WERE JUST RIDING THEIR BIKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!” I’m sure it wasn’t very good role-modely behavior but we kids all loved it.

  6. @Rebecca, that is hilarious! I definitely have those imaginary conversations, but it’s extra awesome that you have that memory of your mom doing it when you guys were kids :) She sounds like a riot.

  7. Turn signals are a sign of weakness. You must play your hand close to the vest when driving. Or at least that’s what I’ve gleaned from my experience as a blinker user amidst a country of non-signalers.

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